Category Archives: Listicle sounds dirty

SEARCH TERMS THAT MAKE ME WANT TO CRY (PART THREE)

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Again (again), all real terms that led people to this blog:

  • nude pictures of monica rambeau
  • aveline de grandpre naked
  • inhumanity nude
  • atlantis: the lost empire kids nude sex pics
  • party|group “women making out” lesbian
  • all anime videos of girl having sexy with eschur
  • lesbian bdsm conversion
  • irresistible women nude tumblr
  • sexy figures symbiosis college girls
  • hot sci-fi girls
  • mercenary kings sexy
  • eir stegalkin sexy
  • sexy outlanders anime
  • sexy anime warriors
  • sci-fi sex fantasy tumblr
  • curvy hitch hikers
  • hitchhiker sex toys
  • sexy congratulations adult toys
  • catelyn stark and jon snow fanfiction she goes to the wall and bear island and has another son
  • puzzle and dragons porn picture
  • harry potter porn comic
  • tauriel porn
  • gamergate porn
  • free nude how the grinch stole christmas x rated parody movie
  • xena warrior cock sucking princess
  • www .cylon muslim sexy girls .com

 

Previously: part one, part two.

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SCARY SEARCH TERMS PART II

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Unfortunately, still all real things that led people here:

  • sexy black widow
  • sexy black widow art
  • sexey black widow art
  • black widow cleavage naked
  • black widow sexy lesbian
  • black widow sexey anime
  • black widow sex
  • wartunes she has all the excitement you need
  • wartune ads she has all the excitement you need
  • wartunes ads she has all the excitement you need
  • gamora and nebula lesbian porn
  • gamora and nebula lesbian kiss pictures
  • guardians of the galaxy lesbian gamora and nebula
  • guardians of the galaxy lesbian porn
  • sexy gamora x thanos porn
  • nebula from guardians of the galaxy naked
  • gamora in bondages
  • groot butt
  • eternal fury porn
  • eternal fury girls porn
  • star trek ds9 – jadzia and lenara kahn fanfic
  • ezri dax janeway sex
  • ms marvel having sex
  • miss marvel having sex
  • the gamers hands of fate nude
  • the gamers hands of fate nudity
  • how to train your dragon valka nude
  • lesbian how to train your dragon porn tumblr
  • sabine and hera lesbian sex fanfiction
  • star wars hera sabine lemon fan fiction
  • hikaru kaoru nsfw
  • pics of ouran high school host club having sex
  • sexy anime cleavage
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Terrifyingly specific search terms from people who were probably disappointed with my blog, Part I

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They had no idea what they were getting themselves into.

  • sexy velma dinkley
  • velma dinkley nude tumblr
  • real sexy velma nude tumblr
  • velma dinkly fucking at comicon
  • nude velma dinkley looking for her glasses
  • sex daphne velma
  • sexy daphne velma scooby doo tumblr
  • velma,daphne and fred having sex
  • fred jones fucking daphne blake
  • sexy scooby doo reboot
  • ursula naked sea witch
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  • sexy elastigirl
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  • castle clash sexy
  • castle clash sexy heroes
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  • avatar the last airbender sex
  • aang orgasm face
  • elsa and jack frost sex
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  • frozen elsa and jack frost sexy
  • fanfic elsa/hans love sex
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  • video reenactment masculine homoerotic tolkien club
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Animated characters I unapologetically want to go out on dates with

Like you’ve never had a crush on a cartoon.

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1. Korra, Legend of Korra

I’m not saying I want to break up Korra and Asami, but I feel in my heart that I also deserve adventures in the Spirit World.

Perks: I would never be mugged (have you seen those guns). I’d get to explore the Spirit World with someone who’s fun, and super enthusiastic. I’d adopt a polar bear dog. I’d get to be friends with Bolin. I bet you anything Bolin gives the best hugs.

Potential obstacles: Dating the avatar is maybe not the most restful thing. Also see above re: Asami.

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2. Robin Hood, Robin Hood

I am not the only person who thinks this.

Perks: At the forefront of the class revolution. Enjoys camping. Make your own foxy pun, I’m not going to do everything for you.

Potential obstacles: Seems pretty into hanging with Maid Marian and/or Little John. Being wanted by the law would make going out to dinner a little difficult.

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3. San, Princess Mononoke

Ashataki’s great and all, don’t get me wrong, but he’s far too attached to the human world for San. I, on the other hand, am more than willing to abandon humanity for the adoptive child of wolf spirits.

Perks: Would never be clingy. Hangs out with giant, rideable wolves. Environmentalist.

Potential obstacles: Pretty grumpy. Probably wouldn’t jibe with my vegetarian diet.

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4. Kurt Wagner/Nightcrawler, X-Men Evolution

Most of the teenaged X-Men were pretty crush-worthy, but Kurt is a teleporting cutie pie and I’m putting him on the list. Try to stop me.

Perks: He’s basically the class clown you crushed on in high school, but also a superhero. And he can poof you anywhere.

Potential obstacles: Quite a lot of angst stemming from his appearance and mysterious heritage. Understandable, but might make a relationship difficult.

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5. Ms. Frizzle, The Magic School Bus

Everyone’s favourite teacher would probably be just as exciting and inspiring outside the classroom, and I’m totally commandeering the school bus for dates.

Perks: Takes chances, makes mistakes, gets messy.

Potential obstacles: Probably a bit of a workaholic. Doesn’t acknowledge the danger she exposes herself and the children in her care to.

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6. Cyborg, Teen Titans

Half man, half machine, all cuddles.

Perks: Would upgrade everything in my home. Would only beat me at video games 80% of the time. Super strong shoulders perfect for sitting on at a concert.

Potential obstacles: He’s got a lot of roommates. A little high strung.

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7. Garnet, Steven Universe

Guys. Guys. It’s Garnet. She’s perfect.

Perks: Cool, calm, collected. Confident but kind. Forward-looking but caring. Badass gauntlets.

Potential obstacles: As the physical embodiment of perfect love, she probably doesn’t need me.

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8. Jessica Rabbit, Who Framed Roger Rabbit?

Because damn.

Perks: Damn.

Potential obstacles: Pretty devoted to her husband, tbh. Not bad, but drawn that way.

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9. The Baron, The Cat Returns

JUST IGNORE THAT THIS IS THE SECOND ANIMAL ON THIS LIST.

Perks: Dapper as shit. Mannered, refined, will help you escape the Cat Kingdom.

Potential obstacles: Is a tiny enchanted ceramic cat.

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10. Sailor Jupiter, Sailor Moon

Tall Amazon of your dreams who’s endlessly loyal and cooks like a dream? Sign me up.

Perks: All of the above. Values her friendships. Harnesses the powers of lightning.

Potential obstacles: Scarred from past relationships, duty bound to protect the moon princess instead of going skating with you.

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Totally arbitrary sample of search terms that lead people to my blog

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  • two women in love with each other
  • two women making love
  • two women in love
  • women making love
  • girls hot love
  • women with women make love
  • women making love to women
  • women making love to each other
  • two woman making love
  • two woman in love
  • two womens having sex together
  • two women having sex each other
  • two women love image
  • women who love eachothed
  • two women in bed
  • women making love with other women

I am okay with this.

 

Top image by Britney Liu (PeachyMints)

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Ouran High School Host Club is super queer and super great

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When scholarship high school student Haruhi Fujioka starts the new year at the prestigious Ouran Academy, she has no idea what she’ll be getting into. After accidentally stumbling into the unused classroom in which the host club entertains its female clients, she breaks a vase and must join the club to pay off the debt. Haruhi, apparently a natural at hosting, spends the rest of the series keeping up with the club’s hijinks, presenting as a man so that she can continue making money for them, and developing close relationships with the other members of the host club.

By focusing on a group of teenage boys whose primary goal is entertaining their female counterparts, the one-season Ouran High School Host Club, based on the manga of the same name, addresses young female sexual desire in a way that seems encouragingly direct for those of us used to the roundabout moralizing of Twilight and its ilk.

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In a self-aware parody of shoujo fiction, the boys all inhabit different “types” (the boy Lolita, the strong and silent one, and the prince, for example), and cater to their clientele by playing up those aspects of their personality. Their willingness to put on a show for the benefit of others contributes to the show’s many subversions, and both in terms of gender presentation and sexual orientation, Ouran High School Host Club is one of the queerest shows I’ve ever watched. How does it manage this? Let me count the ways:

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1. Multiple straight characters openly lust after someone they’re holding up as a male sex symbol

Sure, every now and again the boys will squeal over how cute Haruhi looks in dresses, but for the most part their over-the-top, only-semi-joking flirtations happen while in uniform, easily and without hangups. That other students may be watching and are unaware of Haruhi’s situation matters not at all. They’re obsessed with her, and it’s marvellous.

2. Haruhi sometimes refers to herself with the masculine pronoun, because it fits just as well

After getting mistaken for a boy on her first day, Haruhi decides that using male pronouns works just as well, and with one well-placed shoulder shrug, continues on her merry way. One of the few representations of fluid gender presentation I’ve ever seen (and definitely the only non-alien one), it’s fascinating to watch Haruhi go back and forth, unconcerned with how others might view her genderbending.

(For the purposes of this article I’m using “she,” since Haruhi tends to default back to presenting as a woman when not at school, but I could just as easily have been switching back and forth, which is in itself pretty great.)

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3. Haruhi’s fluid gender isn’t a major plot point, it’s just part of the premise

So why did Haruhi cut her hair short and start wearing men’s clothing? She got gum in her hair over the summer, got a haircut, and just went with it. There’s a complete lack of fanfare, and aside from an overly complicated plot to fool the school doctor, nothing much is made of her decision. She isn’t hiding, living a lie, or anything so dramatic. It’s just a choice she made that fits her well.

4. The club is headed by “Mommy” and “Daddy”

Club President Tamaki Suoh refers to himself as Daddy, and Vice-President Kyoya Ootori as Mommy. It’s an ongoing thing, and it’s adorable. Club parents!

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5. TWINCEST

Twins Hikaru and Kaoru Hitachiin have a special “type” all their own, and that’s playing up a homoerotic element of their close relationship. Their clients go bananas when witnessing these “stolen” moments between taboo maybe-lovers, and these two take the show from commentary on shoujo media to full-blown yaoi. To be fair, there’s something about objectifying homosexuality that’s problematic any way you slice it, but the pair are given space in the show to have personalities outside of their fetishized roles, and they undoubtedly make the show sexier.

6. Haruhi’s first kiss is with a girl, and she ain’t even mad

A strange sequence of events sees Haruhi sharing her first kiss with another girl at the school, and her reaction is basically “meh, no biggie.” Have you cottoned on to the fact that Haruhi is my hero yet?

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7. Haruhi’s dad is a bisexual drag queen

EVERYTHING IS PERFECT ABOUT THIS.

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Again, this show manages to do things still considered incredibly scandalous (at least by North American standards) and makes them into a complete non-issue. A widower who heads up his own drag show? Great parent. I love it.

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8. Rival school Lobelia Girls’ Academy. All of it.

When students from Ouran’s rival, Lobelia, come for a visit, the host club is introduced to the girls’ academy’s most popular students, who basically make their school seem like a beautiful sapphic paradise. They invite Haruhi to transfer, pretty heavily implying that she’d be a shoe-in for all their lady-loving action.

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9. More drag!

When the host club guys realize that Haruhi might be swayed by Lobelia’s offer, that she might in fact want more women in her life (either romantically or not), their first impulse is to show her that they can fill this area of her life, too. So break out the drag! Logic! It’s in there somewhere! That their efforts are framed as just another costume change is refreshing, as is the normalization of flexible gender presentation. Drag for all!

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What it comes down to is that I love this show, and it’s on Netflix so everyone should be watching it.

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And never the twain shall meet

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Rooting for specific relationships happens to be one of my favourite pastimes, and the more absurd and unlikely the better. In fact, if they exist in totally different worlds, that’s ideal. They’ll never meet, and there will never be an opportunity for writers/producers/actors to botch the job and disappoint me. No one will betray their true love, bad dialogue will never ruin the moment, and people won’t die right when things are at their best (looking at you, Whedon). Their love will stay safe and perfect in my brain, where it belongs.

So in honour of all the one-night hookups and epic love stories that will never be—crackships, if you will—here are some of my favourites. (Obvious spoiler warning is obvious.)

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Like anyone else would suffer them (by justinripley.tumblr.com)

1. Joffrey Lannister and Draco Malfoy

Aside from the aesthetics, aren’t these two a match made in heaven? Annoying, evil, privileged, and spoiled, it just all fits. And sure, Draco ends up reformed and Joffrey ends up dead (thank GOD), but had they met, maybe they would have softened each other’s edges? After a tumultuous (and hot) beginning, they might have given each other the love and support they needed to become just that little bit kinder? Maybe that’s wishful thinking, but at the very least, if they’re busy getting their rocks off with one another, it means they’re leaving the rest of us alone.

 

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Let me clutch this book to my breast as if it were you

2. Rory Gilmore and Hermione Granger

Indulge this grown-up eager-beaver bookworm for a moment. Wouldn’t it be amazing to see these two together? Academic rivals, constantly pushing each other to excel, sniping at each other with vocabularies no one else can understand, forced to work together on some class project, late nights, ink smudges, library stacks… This stuff writes itself. Hermione needs someone on her level, and Rory’s relationship with Paris has shown that she has a great give and take with someone as focused and dedicated to hard work as she is.

 

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Cool. (By Kazeki)

3. Frozen‘s Elsa and Jack Frost

LONG LIVE THE ICE QUEEN AND KING. I don’t care that Rise of the Guardians was actually a pretty mediocre movie. (It had its moments. Russian Santa Claus using famous composers instead of cuss words? Rachmaninoffing amazing.) I don’t care that Elsa is being hailed as a metaphor for queer sexuality. Jack Frost is a cutie, and Elsa deserves someone who can actually snuggle up to her at night. Besides, “the cold never bothered me anyway” is a great pickup line.

 

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Is that a codpiece or are you just happy to see me?

4. Eowyn and Brienne of Tarth

Marginalized lady fighters finding solace and acceptance in each other’s arms is possibly my favourite story that I’ve never actually seen. I lovelovelove Faramir (and I’m more than a little attached to the idea of Brienne and Sansa ending up together) but come on how perfect would Eowyn/Brienne be? Think of the sparring montages! The post-battle bandaging! They are so perfect for one another it hurts. They look amazing as a pair, and they even have the same dramatic helmet removal down pat.

 

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Beep beep and vworp vworp indeed

 5. The TARDIS and the Magic School Bus

Because why the hell not. The TARDIS is sexy and the Magic School Bus has a great sense of humour. Done. OTP.

(Also River Song is totally a young Ms. Frizzle, so this one isn’t even that improbable.)

 

Top image: The meme’s original art is from Hyperbole and a Half, by the fantastic Allie Brosh

 

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Special Snowflakes: 5 Great Winter-Themed Movie Characters

Sally

Sally, The Nightmare Before Christmas

Rag doll Sally has it rough. She’s an indentured servant, is desperately in love with the king of Halloween, and keeps—literally—falling apart at the seams. But despite all her tough breaks, Sally remains a lone voice of reason throughout the film, the only person in Halloween Town who sees how terrible the whole let’s-do-Christmas-this-year notion really is. Ever resourceful, Sally has an arsenal of tools to help her escape her evil scientist creator, and, in an attempt to rescue Sandy Claws Santa Claus, faces down the Oogie Boogie Man solo. She never gives up, and in the end gets the recognition (not to mention freedom and love) she so deserves.

Hermey

Hermey, Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer

All Hermey wants to do is open up a dental practice, is that too much to ask? Apparently so in the North Pole, where career options outside of toymaker seem pretty thin on the ground for those of the Elvish persuasion. Undeterred, Hermey runs away, joins forces with some fellow outcasts, sings some greats songs, defeats the abominable snow monster, gives unwanted toys a loving home, and saves Christmas. All in a day’s work for the Elf who won the Santa’s Werkshop Best Hair Award five years running.

Cindy

Cindy Lou Who, How the Grinch Stole Christmas

How can you not love that widdle face!? Cindy Lou Who, the smallest Who in Whoville, wants nothing more than to love Christmas in peace. She’s the only person who challenges the Grinch while he’s in full destroy-all-that-is-good-in-the-world mode, and it’s her love of the holiday, combined with that of the other Whos, that ends up melting the Grinch’s prickly exterior. She even shares her Roast Beast with the dog, because she is goodness incarnate.

Lucy

Lucy Pevensie, The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe

It takes a big person to stick by your siblings when they don’t believe you (and, in the case of that dirtbag Edmund, outright antagonize you), but though Lucy is small in stature, she is definitely mighty. The first to wander through the wardrobe into the land of Narnia, Lucy befriends satyrs, beavers, God-lions, and Father Christmas before defeating the White Witch (another wonderful character who, who knows, might make it into the BAMFiles one of these days), becoming queen, and ushering in a Golden Age that will last for her entire reign. All hail Queen Lucy the Valiant!

Eli

Eli, Let the Right One In (Låt den rätte komma in)

Not your typical vampire, pint-sized Eli moves to a frozen Stockholm neighbourhood with her adult protector, quickly befriending a lonely, bullied boy despite her better judgement. A natural predator, Eli doesn’t want to hurt those close to her, but has come to terms with her need to kill. She inspires devotion, not just from her father figure who sacrifices everything for her safety, but also from Oskar, the boy whom Eli saves in a final bloody showdown. It’s a beautiful, heartbreaking friendship that Eli is determined to protect, even going against her own instincts to do so.

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The 10 best Comiccon moments (Or, Alyssa is too tired to write an actual post this week)

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Montreal Comiccon 2013 came and went, and it brought some wonderful memories:

  1. That time Christopher Lloyd burped into his microphone in front of hundreds of people. And then didn’t look embarrassed about it.
  2. All the cosplay. Seriously, all of it. There was GladOS, Bee (from Bee and Puppycat), Kirby, a Kyoshi warrior, Princesses Bubblegum and Lumpy Space, Robot Chicken, and every superhero mini me you can imagine. I had a lovely conversation with Catwoman, and accidentally bumped into some zombie stormtroopers. I went as Velma, and there were about fourteen other people who did too (but none of them had an awesome magnifying glass necklace, so it was okay).
  3. These kids who spent the entire con riding R2D2: padawans
  4. Meeting Felicia Day and confirming that she really is the nicest person on the planet.
  5. Having Edward James Olmos and Michael Hogan crash a panel with Jamie Bamber and James Callis. Surprise Battlestar reunion the night before the actual Battlestar reunion!
  6. Adama roaring “SO SAY WE ALL” at least eight times over the course of the weekend.
  7. George Takei doing this a lot.
  8. Seeing how beautiful Jason Momoa is and, on a totally unrelated note, thinking “gee, I really should start watching Stargate: Atlantis.
  9. Making a “KHAAAAAN” joke and having strangers around me laugh in appreciation (this probably says more about my terrible sense of humour than anything else).
  10. Going to a panel called “Where are the queer superheroes?” and being introduced to this song (it is still stuck in my head).

Bonus not-so-great moments:

  1. The crowds. Holy crap the crowds.
  2. Some lady asking Jason Momoa to take his shirt off on stage. Girl, get a grip, this isn’t Chippendales and that is not an appropriate thing to ask. Plus, you already heard him say “Moon of my life” in Dothraki like three times.
  3. Waiting until the last minute to do my shopping and having everything be sold out.
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