Tag Archives: Ms. Frizzle

Weekend Reading List: Mischievous teachers and anti-Trump magic

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Image from “2050” by Yannis Davy.

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Animated characters I unapologetically want to go out on dates with

Like you’ve never had a crush on a cartoon.

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1. Korra, Legend of Korra

I’m not saying I want to break up Korra and Asami, but I feel in my heart that I also deserve adventures in the Spirit World.

Perks: I would never be mugged (have you seen those guns). I’d get to explore the Spirit World with someone who’s fun, and super enthusiastic. I’d adopt a polar bear dog. I’d get to be friends with Bolin. I bet you anything Bolin gives the best hugs.

Potential obstacles: Dating the avatar is maybe not the most restful thing. Also see above re: Asami.

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2. Robin Hood, Robin Hood

I am not the only person who thinks this.

Perks: At the forefront of the class revolution. Enjoys camping. Make your own foxy pun, I’m not going to do everything for you.

Potential obstacles: Seems pretty into hanging with Maid Marian and/or Little John. Being wanted by the law would make going out to dinner a little difficult.

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3. San, Princess Mononoke

Ashataki’s great and all, don’t get me wrong, but he’s far too attached to the human world for San. I, on the other hand, am more than willing to abandon humanity for the adoptive child of wolf spirits.

Perks: Would never be clingy. Hangs out with giant, rideable wolves. Environmentalist.

Potential obstacles: Pretty grumpy. Probably wouldn’t jibe with my vegetarian diet.

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4. Kurt Wagner/Nightcrawler, X-Men Evolution

Most of the teenaged X-Men were pretty crush-worthy, but Kurt is a teleporting cutie pie and I’m putting him on the list. Try to stop me.

Perks: He’s basically the class clown you crushed on in high school, but also a superhero. And he can poof you anywhere.

Potential obstacles: Quite a lot of angst stemming from his appearance and mysterious heritage. Understandable, but might make a relationship difficult.

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5. Ms. Frizzle, The Magic School Bus

Everyone’s favourite teacher would probably be just as exciting and inspiring outside the classroom, and I’m totally commandeering the school bus for dates.

Perks: Takes chances, makes mistakes, gets messy.

Potential obstacles: Probably a bit of a workaholic. Doesn’t acknowledge the danger she exposes herself and the children in her care to.

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6. Cyborg, Teen Titans

Half man, half machine, all cuddles.

Perks: Would upgrade everything in my home. Would only beat me at video games 80% of the time. Super strong shoulders perfect for sitting on at a concert.

Potential obstacles: He’s got a lot of roommates. A little high strung.

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7. Garnet, Steven Universe

Guys. Guys. It’s Garnet. She’s perfect.

Perks: Cool, calm, collected. Confident but kind. Forward-looking but caring. Badass gauntlets.

Potential obstacles: As the physical embodiment of perfect love, she probably doesn’t need me.

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8. Jessica Rabbit, Who Framed Roger Rabbit?

Because damn.

Perks: Damn.

Potential obstacles: Pretty devoted to her husband, tbh. Not bad, but drawn that way.

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9. The Baron, The Cat Returns

JUST IGNORE THAT THIS IS THE SECOND ANIMAL ON THIS LIST.

Perks: Dapper as shit. Mannered, refined, will help you escape the Cat Kingdom.

Potential obstacles: Is a tiny enchanted ceramic cat.

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10. Sailor Jupiter, Sailor Moon

Tall Amazon of your dreams who’s endlessly loyal and cooks like a dream? Sign me up.

Perks: All of the above. Values her friendships. Harnesses the powers of lightning.

Potential obstacles: Scarred from past relationships, duty bound to protect the moon princess instead of going skating with you.

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And never the twain shall meet

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Rooting for specific relationships happens to be one of my favourite pastimes, and the more absurd and unlikely the better. In fact, if they exist in totally different worlds, that’s ideal. They’ll never meet, and there will never be an opportunity for writers/producers/actors to botch the job and disappoint me. No one will betray their true love, bad dialogue will never ruin the moment, and people won’t die right when things are at their best (looking at you, Whedon). Their love will stay safe and perfect in my brain, where it belongs.

So in honour of all the one-night hookups and epic love stories that will never be—crackships, if you will—here are some of my favourites. (Obvious spoiler warning is obvious.)

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Like anyone else would suffer them (by justinripley.tumblr.com)

1. Joffrey Lannister and Draco Malfoy

Aside from the aesthetics, aren’t these two a match made in heaven? Annoying, evil, privileged, and spoiled, it just all fits. And sure, Draco ends up reformed and Joffrey ends up dead (thank GOD), but had they met, maybe they would have softened each other’s edges? After a tumultuous (and hot) beginning, they might have given each other the love and support they needed to become just that little bit kinder? Maybe that’s wishful thinking, but at the very least, if they’re busy getting their rocks off with one another, it means they’re leaving the rest of us alone.

 

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Let me clutch this book to my breast as if it were you

2. Rory Gilmore and Hermione Granger

Indulge this grown-up eager-beaver bookworm for a moment. Wouldn’t it be amazing to see these two together? Academic rivals, constantly pushing each other to excel, sniping at each other with vocabularies no one else can understand, forced to work together on some class project, late nights, ink smudges, library stacks… This stuff writes itself. Hermione needs someone on her level, and Rory’s relationship with Paris has shown that she has a great give and take with someone as focused and dedicated to hard work as she is.

 

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Cool. (By Kazeki)

3. Frozen‘s Elsa and Jack Frost

LONG LIVE THE ICE QUEEN AND KING. I don’t care that Rise of the Guardians was actually a pretty mediocre movie. (It had its moments. Russian Santa Claus using famous composers instead of cuss words? Rachmaninoffing amazing.) I don’t care that Elsa is being hailed as a metaphor for queer sexuality. Jack Frost is a cutie, and Elsa deserves someone who can actually snuggle up to her at night. Besides, “the cold never bothered me anyway” is a great pickup line.

 

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Is that a codpiece or are you just happy to see me?

4. Eowyn and Brienne of Tarth

Marginalized lady fighters finding solace and acceptance in each other’s arms is possibly my favourite story that I’ve never actually seen. I lovelovelove Faramir (and I’m more than a little attached to the idea of Brienne and Sansa ending up together) but come on how perfect would Eowyn/Brienne be? Think of the sparring montages! The post-battle bandaging! They are so perfect for one another it hurts. They look amazing as a pair, and they even have the same dramatic helmet removal down pat.

 

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Beep beep and vworp vworp indeed

 5. The TARDIS and the Magic School Bus

Because why the hell not. The TARDIS is sexy and the Magic School Bus has a great sense of humour. Done. OTP.

(Also River Song is totally a young Ms. Frizzle, so this one isn’t even that improbable.)

 

Top image: The meme’s original art is from Hyperbole and a Half, by the fantastic Allie Brosh

 

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