- Dark Willow would make the Olympic torch blow up in Putin’s face.
- Dark Willow would make hateful picket signs bludgeon the Westboro Baptist Church to death.
- Dark Willow would make Arizona legislators sit in a dark room, watching the same Leave it to Beaver episode on loop for all eternity, Clockwork Orange-style, since they like the 1950s so much.
- Dark Willow would put all claustrophobic bigots in closets for years, see how they like it.
- Dark Willow would deny any involvement in the mysterious disappearances of Ugandan President Yoweri Museveni and the entire Red Pepper editorial board.
- Dark Willow would bury Cecil Chao in 6,500,000,000 pennies.
- Dark Willow would cross over to the Firefly universe, find Jayne, and shoot him with Vera.
- Dark Willow would reanimate Cece MacDonald‘s attacker, just to flay him. (Staying on brand, you know?)
- Dark Willow would shove a microphone down Rush Limbaugh’s throat. Or a basketball. She’s not picky.
- Dark Willow would stick her hands into her laptop, track down hacker douchebags, and short their circuits.
unfridged 